The Epic Recapitulation of the Glorious Delivery of Iris Butterfly Hanel as Told By Her Mother, The Warrior Queen of Water Birth

All good stories begin , in part, with another story.  Naturally, since this is one of the greatest stories ever told, it will begin at the beginning  of a very different story.

When I tell people that the birth of my first wonderful daughter, Lillie, took place in a hospital with the administration of massive amounts of Pitocin (which I fondly refer to as “the drug of demons”) but no sweet relief from an epidural, they often look at me as though I have sprouted another head.  I often feel as though I have two heads, a spiky tail, or a third eye at the very least, but that really has nothing to do with this particular story.  Oh, I could fill a gorge with the number of times I have said “If I only knew then what I know now!” I took that Pitocin 5 years ago with the conviction that my baby needed to arrive immediately since my water had broken only hours before.  I struggled to retain consciousness throughout the laborious process of bringing Lillie into this world in a haze of Pitocin induced pain.  But, as I’m sure you can guess, that baby DID come and I DID survive.  I felt certain that if I EVER decided to have another baby that I could do it “the old fashioned way” as long as no one even uttered the word “Pitocin.” Cue mental imagery of a Viking Woman with long flowing braids, wearing an ornate breastplate posing fearlessly atop a snow-capped mountain.

Fast forward through several years of expounding upon the merits of only having one child, a mind-altering late night viewing of The Business of Being Born, a move to Austin, a complete change in parenting ideologies, tons of research,  and a dogged determination to learn from my mistakes.  Now you can imagine how I arrived at the doorstep of The World’s Most Majestic Midwife, Heather Hilton.  And, oh how serendipitous was this meeting!  It was the perfect pairing of midwife to mother, of sass to crass, and of a strong mutual faith in the extraordinary abilities of the female body to perform miraculous acts.  The decision to have Heather as my guide through this epic journey of pregnancy and childbirth would prove to be the greatest possible choice for me and my little family. 

So here is where I would bore you with the details of the pregnancy, with the growth rate of the baby, with the flowery description of the first time we heard her heart beating or the pink frosting filled cupcakes we ate at the gender reveal party.  But instead I will skip right to the good stuff!  At 30 weeks gestational diabetes, a rude and unwelcome interloper, threatened to rain all over our natural birth parade.  With the expert guidance of my amazing midwife and the patience of my saintly husband we were able to find the perfect combination of diet, cinnamon, and chromium to neutralize my glucose numbers.  It felt like I was heading off to battle every day, equipped to slay dragons with my shield and armor of supplements and carb-free snacks.  I ate meat with a side of meat.  I ate enough eggs to make any body builder blush. And much to the consternation of some nay-sayers (you know who you are, Cinderella client seeking midwives) my diabetic, well upholstered body delivered me to 39 weeks gestation. 

And this is where it gets really good!  While chatting with my husband and preparing for bed on April 3, I noticed a minute trickle begin to ease its way down my thigh. I immediately began to panic, thinking that I had failed to properly cleanse myself after one of my three hundred trips to the toilet that evening.  Then the trickle became a drip and all of a sudden I was standing on the bathroom rug leaking amniotic fluid all over the chocolate brown shag!  Rapture for rupture!  My water had broken!!! This was it!  I could feel it.  I just KNEW that the baby would be making her debut that night.  I called Heather immediately and Lee ran out for some last minute supplies…maxi pads and pistachio muffins, of course.  When I awoke later that night to an achy cramping sensation I just KNEW it was the beginning of labor.  I watched. I waited.  Nada. Less than Nada, actually.  Zip. Zilch.  I couldn’t even use my shiny new contraction app. Throughout the day I charted what seemed like an endless supply of crampy clusters…or as I like to call them: contraction teasers.  Each time I felt a particularly strong sensation I would whip out the iPhone and time it. I was surprised the app didn’t come with a little laughter feature or chiding librarian voice telling me to get a grip and wait for the real deal.  But Warrior Queens are rarely patient, so when Heather suggested acupuncture on April 5 after 2 days of leaking fluid and merciless contraction teasers, I was all over it.  Drs. Allie and David of Goodwin Chiropractic and Acupuncture kindly rearranged their schedules to accommodate my eagerness, and I walked out of their clinic at 1:30 pm feeling like a new woman.  Well, as new as one can feel carrying around 20 extra pounds and a belly the size and shape of an inflatable swim ring.

We went about our business and ate a delicious feast at Logan’s Roadhouse with my husband’s parents.  I began to feel nauseous and extra crampy towards the end of dinner, so we headed to my sister’s house where she prepared a soothing foot bath and massage.  When I began to have trouble talking through the “contraction teasers” I realized that perhaps now would be a good time to put that iPhone app to the test.  Sure enough, my contractions had begun to pick up speed and intensity.  This was actually it! I KNEW it.  For real this time. No seriously, I was finally in active labor!  We headed home for a shower and to gather our wits and birth accoutrement.  The car ride from my sister’s house was less than pleasant and the contractions were letting me know that they weren’t messing around this time.  I called Heather and we agreed to meet at the birth center at 10 pm.  By the time 9:30 rolled around I was having visions of Lee delivering the baby in the car on the shoulder of I-35 while Lillie cheered us on from her car seat perch.  Fortunately for all involved, we made it to the birth center in one piece.  My mother, sister, Heather and Sandra were all waiting to usher us into what would prove to be the most ethereal experience of my life.

As the contractions escalated I found myself running towards the intensity as if running into waves crashing into the shoreline.  Every breath, every movement was focused on propelling myself and my body headlong into wave after wave.  I breathed deeply, imagining my breath forming a big, glittering letter J.  If I lost focus for a moment and began to drift towards the surface, Heather seemed to know and found the exact words to bring me back down .  My sister and my husband provided constant, encouraging support.  Lillie drifted in and out of the room, lovingly shepherded by my mother acting as her own personal doula. 

As transition approached I found my armor slipping away as I struggled to find a more comfortable position to meet the intense waves that mercilessly crashed into me.  As if divine intervention nudged her, Heather encouraged me into the birthing pool.  My body clumsily lumbered over the side of the inflatable tub, but as I sank into the water I was certain that nothing ever had, nor ever would, feel as heavenly as the warm soothing water as it swirled around my aching, swollen belly. I could have been in the water for a minute or an eternity.  To this day I cannot explain the way time simply melts away.  I was all sensation, all focus, all deep inside my own body.  I envisioned Iris and I rocking together in the waves of a giant, dark cerulean sea.  It was just she and I, pushing towards each other in the water.  And then, miraculously, mystically, she was there.  With one final herculean effort she burst free and floated into Heather’s loving hands.  Just before 1 am on April 6, 2012.  I watched as Heather lifted her to the surface of the water, all tiny and plump, into my shaking arms.  Words simply cannot convey the magic in that moment.  Seeing my husband’s face as he first laid eyes on his baby girl, watching my sister’s glistening eyes behold the miracle, and calling out to Lillie to run quickly and meet her new sister.  It was a blur of triumph, joy, and love beyond measure.  Iris came out tasting the world with her tiny tongue darting in and out of her little rosebud shaped lips.  Her thick hair formed a copper colored halo around her perfect little head.  The world just stopped for a moment as everyone in the room beheld the beauty and wonder of this pristine little person. 

Then like a flash, Lillie was cutting the chord and we were swept into a bustle of activity to prepare us for nursing and resting.  I couldn’t tell you what happened next if I tried.  All I can say is that Iris and I were surrounded by love just as we had been surrounded by water only moments before.  I held her close and felt her sweet breath on my lips.  We had done it together, my little warrior princess and I.